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Class Prefects: Because Free Child Labor Builds Character

Middle school’s biggest scam: student council. But not the executive type, the boring stuff. Middle school student council is just a title for unpaid labor. And it’s not even exciting! Poor middle schoolers don’t even get flex privileges for their “respectable posts”! Look, don’t get me wrong, I know for some people student council is an HONOUR. Something they LONG for. But, fortunately or unfortunately, I’m not one of those people. To me, the student council just seems like a team of workers who do stuff for the rest of the class and teachers for free. UNPAID LABOR. The Selection Process (a.k.a. Pointless Report Card Logic) Our school just selects prefects by grades. The highest achiever just becomes the prefect by default. No observing behavior, no checking if the kid’s responsible, just pointless selection. Seriously, what does my report card have to do with my ability to “control” and “discipline” my classmates? Because obviously, if you know what mitochondria are, you must also kn...
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The Drama Behind the Dates (What If History Textbooks Were Petty?)

The EIC Rule in a Nutshell! The most HILARIOUS thing is when history is unhinged. I mean, why aren't history textbooks written by Gen Z? Anyway, here’s my attempt to make history sound more dramatic and messed-up than it already is. Buckle up! So picture this: a rich group of businessmen with ships, asking the Queen, "Can we go to India, trade stuff, and get super rich?" (The queen said yes.) So, a bunch of British traders showed up in India, all polite with their “we just want to buy some spices and textiles” energy. Cute, right? But don’t be fooled. These guys weren’t here to shop, they were here to shoplift with style .  So, in the beginning, these dudes stayed sweet and humble. Complimenting Mughal rulers like snake friends, “OMG Jahangirrrrr!!!! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the cutesy poem you wrote!!” And Jahangir, the stupid popular girl who thinks she has friends, allowed the EIC to build their factories and forts. Fast forward to when Aurangzeb got weak, and kingdoms starte...
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Why Being a Talkative Student Is Both a Curse and a Superpower

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Oh the horror! Being expressive in class, then being called out by the teacher for “disruptive behavior”. Like, lady, just straight up call me an untamed dog, at this point. Save me the indirect insult.  As you can imagine, someone who suffers with Yappititis is completely helpless when it comes to shutting up. This obviously means I’m blabbering through lunch, english, math, science, history—you name it! If the teachers are on medication for severe headaches, I am probably the one to blame.  But nothing is more terrifying than being told to “behave myself” and “keep quiet”. Like, excuse me, miss, are you trying to DIM MY LIGHT?! The audacity. On a serious note, it is a gut-twisting feeling, when the teachers tell me to silence in front of the whole class. It’s just so embarrassing to be called out for simply being yourself. Because, I don’t see the teacher yelling at the mute girl in the back for “disrupting” class with her quietness. It’s disrespectful and misbehaving when ...
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Washroom Wars: A Tale of Two Toilets

Today was my first day back at school, and I have to say, the washrooms are still a disaster. I mean, we pay thousands of rupees in fees, but our washrooms are like a bad joke. Have you seen the state of our girls' washrooms? It's like they're trying to make us cry... or maybe that's just the smell talking. So, our girls' washrooms have these pathetic doors. The locks don't work, and you can't even close the door properly. It's like a game of chance. Will you get the one with the broken lock? Will you get the one with the door that's stuck? Honestly, what is the school staff even thinking? “Hey, let's just leave it broken and hope no one peeks in!” Like, who thought this was a good idea? "Let's not fix the doors, let's just hope the girls can figure it out!" And then there's the water situation. It's like a mythical creature – we've heard of it, but we've never seen it. Is water in the washroom? No, it's a le...
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When Rain Turns Rogue: Monsoon Madness in Our Cities

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Rain is something I adore. It’s like the best friend who adapts to my mood. It seems like the weather is gloomy, and sad, when it’s raining and I’m upset. Other times when I’m happy, the rain feels pleasant, and joyful. Unlike my overly-hygienic parents, I don’t mind being soaked by nature. To be honest, rain is therapeutic. Unless you live in cities like Buner. That’s when it becomes a pain in the whole body. Quite literally. This year’s monsoon season definitely broke more than a few records. Even developed, metropolitan cities are going through serious hell. Let alone under-developed cities like Buner! The destruction caused was INSANE. Forget swimming classes, the monsoon teaches you the freestyle stroke whether you like it or not. I could’ve never imagined, the guy I assumed was my best friend, would have the ability to kill over two hundred and forty, living, laughing humans! I thought rain was that chill friend who brings snacks and vibes, but turns out he’s the kind who eats al...
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The Pain of Being Seen-Zoned in a Group

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Being left on read by over ten people is the ULTIMATE form of digital rejection. The group chat would say, “Read by 7, Replied by 0.” Like, I’m sorry, are my jokes that pathetic? They didn’t even insult me; their actions speak louder than words. What are these people even thinking? “Oh someone sent a funny meme! Let me just see the message and not respond, because this person is CLEARLY not worth my attention.” These people can open a message faster than lightning, but when it comes to REPLYING? Suddenly they're living in 1650, writing letters with a quill. Honestly, being left on read by literally EVERYONE is like the group chat by default saying, “Congratulations, you just got left on read by 10 people simultaneously. You clearly have no value, now do you?” At this point, Wi-fi is more responsive than these living-things. Unless, everyone got hit by a zombie apocalypse just as I was typing, and their brain was eaten before they could react “lol”. Like, I’m not even asking for an...
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The Science of Saying 'One More Episode' and Regretting Life at 2 A.M

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You know that moment when Netflix asks, 'Are you still watching?' Yes, Netflix. Yes, I am. And I hate myself  for it. So, hey there! I am yet another victim of the horrible one-more-episode phenomenon. I am also a victim of the dramas with over a hundred episodes, and I do, in fact, end up watching every single episode (on repeat). The science of saying “one more episode” is way deeper than we perceive. This saying is motivated by the dedication to finish that certain serial. And that dedication is motivated by the interest that has been built. That interest is built through the interesting plot, and attachment to fictional characters (or the handsome actors playing them).  I remember waking up at 7 a.m on a weekday once, just to finish a drama with a very pathetic story. The first thing I did when I woke up was reach for my phone, and binge-watch the episodes, which were conveniently more than required. To top it off, I had exams starting from the next week; instead of binge-...
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